My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
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i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
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I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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