You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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