I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
