omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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