I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
