mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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