all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
