Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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