out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize