I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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