erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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