weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
