I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
