Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Randomize
