My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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