This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize