i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just puked most of my soul out..
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