You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
