i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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