You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
