Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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