Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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