I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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