I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
