My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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