so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
