Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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