We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
