cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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