we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
