I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
