so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize