apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
