i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
