im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
