It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
