Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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