just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
