You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
