Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think a kid would responsible me up
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
