Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
