you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
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This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize