I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
