Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
