I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
