I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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