Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
