Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
