Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
