I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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