You're so nebulous sometimes
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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