So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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