12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just invented taco cereal.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
