All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This girl is more easily done than said...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
