i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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