Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
