there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The air taste purple.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
