People with herpes should wear stickers.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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