I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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