I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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