You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
bring money and cleavage
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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