i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
