he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm always down for nudity.
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