i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
