Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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